Paralyzing Exhaustion

Source: Ben Blennerhassett, Unsplash.com

I am not sure if this is a normal thing. Where you wake up and nothing is fun. The most you can be is comfortable. Like you get asked out for drinks or any other activity and all the while you feel anti-social and homesick. Like I just wanna play the AVPM Soundtrack and watch stupid haul videos on youtube all day. I am allowed to say that. I film hauls myself.

I just find that I am so damn exhausted at the moment that I don’t get excited, enthusiastic about stuff. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t want to complain. It is just an odd feeling. Like all you can do is sleep and surround yourself with things that feel safe. I get my work done and I hand in my paperwork but I get so tired. And that keeps me from being productive in my free time. Tips anyone? It’s much easier to ask the screen about that of course, seeing as I am not social enough to go and share myself with others.

Looking social is a funny thing. I have loads of resources for a limited time. For work, for university and when I get to know new people. I lose that with time until I am used up. But everyone thinks I am such a social person. I talk a lot, yes. But often that is because I am insecure and don’t know what to do. I run out of things to say at some point and most of all I run out of things I wanna know. Maybe I should wanna know, maybe it’s bad I lose interest in everyone. Maybe it’s got something to do with my art, too. Or rather the lack of it.

To bring the whole thing to a close … let us just say I need methods to pour into my own cup from time to time and I am not sure I have it in me yet. Nevertheless, I am still sitting here writing about it all. So there must still be enough willpower to work it out. And that I will.

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